Realistic Boundaries
During this little mini-season I’m talking about topics that have impacted me personally. Today’s topic is a tough one: setting boundaries.
If you’re not used to setting boundaries, it may be difficult to do and enforce. You may set one too far one way and have to back it off because it’s not sustainable. It’s okay for boundaries to shift depending on what season of life and work you’re in.
Realistic boundaries can look like setting your client work days, turning off your phone overnight, using your paid vacation time and not letting yourself work while you’re off, or it may even look like changing jobs when the company you work for doesn’t respect your time.
It’s okay, and necessary, to set healthy boundaries for your life and for your business.
We cover ALL of this in the “Get Your Finance Sh*t Together” self-study course at confidentmoneypodcast.com!
Join our community at confidentmoneypodcast.com where we’ll share tips and resources, and you can suggest topics for future episodes.
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DISCLAIMER: I am not a financial advisor and this is not financial advice. My podcast is for educational purposes and is my personal opinion only. To make the best financial decision for your situation, please do your own research and if needed, seek the advice of a fee-based, fiduciary.
Music credit: Neon Fairies by Wolves
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Transcript
Welcome back to the confident money podcast.
Katelyn Magnuson:So with this little mini season that we're doing, we are going to be talking about
Katelyn Magnuson:things that have impacted me personally.
Katelyn Magnuson:And I think impact a lot of us today.
Katelyn Magnuson:We're going to be talking about boundaries, both in your business,
Katelyn Magnuson:as well as in the corporate world, because, and technically a little
Katelyn Magnuson:bit in your personal life as well.
Katelyn Magnuson:Right?
Katelyn Magnuson:Boundaries are something that can be, I think really
Katelyn Magnuson:difficult for a lot of us too.
Katelyn Magnuson:And enforce, but I think our, one of the most powerful things that
Katelyn Magnuson:we can do for our overall wellness.
Katelyn Magnuson:And so I want to talk about the experience that I've had with setting boundaries and
Katelyn Magnuson:some things that I've noticed and with setting boundaries, it can be difficult.
Katelyn Magnuson:I'm not here to tell you that setting boundaries and sticking to them
Katelyn Magnuson:is the easiest thing in the world.
Katelyn Magnuson:And you're going to just do them and go through.
Katelyn Magnuson:If you're anything like me, you might end up setting kind of
Katelyn Magnuson:going too far one way, right.
Katelyn Magnuson:And setting some boundaries that aren't sustainable for you, or aren't enforceable
Katelyn Magnuson:for you, or might not be realistic because you may have gone so long, not
Katelyn Magnuson:setting boundaries and people pleasing and catering to those around you and
Katelyn Magnuson:ignoring how you feel about things that when you finally snap or you finally
Katelyn Magnuson:make that decision, or you finally hit that breaking point and you set
Katelyn Magnuson:boundaries, they might just be unreal.
Katelyn Magnuson:But we're going to talk about setting realistic boundaries and
Katelyn Magnuson:the fact that it's okay to change boundaries and to sort of flux with
Katelyn Magnuson:the season that you may experience.
Katelyn Magnuson:So with setting boundaries, we're going to talk about in your business first
Katelyn Magnuson:and some of these work for business for personal and for your career.
Katelyn Magnuson:And some of these are kind of more specific.
Katelyn Magnuson:And for me, I started setting boundaries in my personal life before I started
Katelyn Magnuson:setting boundaries in other places.
Katelyn Magnuson:And it has taken me kind of the last 15 years, which is insane.
Katelyn Magnuson:But the last 15 years to get to a point where I'm setting firm boundaries
Katelyn Magnuson:regularly and boundaries that feel good.
Katelyn Magnuson:I feel like I've hit a balanced area in many aspects of my life.
Katelyn Magnuson:And that includes setting boundaries, listening to my body, understanding what I
Katelyn Magnuson:need more of as a person, what I need less of and recognizing and acknowledging that.
Katelyn Magnuson:So for me, setting personal boundaries started out looking
Katelyn Magnuson:like saying no to things, uh, saying, you know, I'm an introvert.
Katelyn Magnuson:And especially when I was working a lot, when I was in college and I
Katelyn Magnuson:was working three jobs and going to school full-time and I had moved out.
Katelyn Magnuson:There are a lot of invitations to go do things and finding the courage
Katelyn Magnuson:at the time to say no was something that was really beneficial for me,
Katelyn Magnuson:setting boundaries with family.
Katelyn Magnuson:Hey, I'm going to see you X number of times per month or X number of
Katelyn Magnuson:times per year and sticking to it.
Katelyn Magnuson:And if someone has a problem with it, or a friend has a problem
Katelyn Magnuson:with it, it was my choice.
Katelyn Magnuson:Whether I wanted to elaborate on that.
Katelyn Magnuson:No, or the, this is what I'm willing to do.
Katelyn Magnuson:And sometimes I didn't, sometimes it was, Hey, you know, I'm feeling really
Katelyn Magnuson:burnt out in this season of my life.
Katelyn Magnuson:I, you know, I would love to go take a walk with you together versus
Katelyn Magnuson:going to a party or going to go do something that was draining for me.
Katelyn Magnuson:So incorporating seeing friends or seeing family into doing something that was
Katelyn Magnuson:nourishing for myself, you know, getting a meal, taking a walk, running errands.
Katelyn Magnuson:I think I remember hanging out with my sister off and on throughout
Katelyn Magnuson:college and my early teens.
Katelyn Magnuson:And I was really busy, but I wanted to see her.
Katelyn Magnuson:So what that looked like was picking her up and taking her to go do
Katelyn Magnuson:things with me and boring things.
Katelyn Magnuson:But we got to spend time together and it felt good for where I was in my season
Katelyn Magnuson:of life to still do things that were important to me, what that looks like now
Katelyn Magnuson:in my business has been setting boundaries with clients, setting boundaries, with
Katelyn Magnuson:team members and setting boundaries with myself for when I'm going to log
Katelyn Magnuson:off for when I'm going to step away.
Katelyn Magnuson:Setting boundaries boundaries with clients started by, Hey, I'm
Katelyn Magnuson:going to work X, Y and Z days.
Katelyn Magnuson:You can expect a response from me within this timeframe.
Katelyn Magnuson:So setting clear expectations and sticking to those and letting them know, Hey,
Katelyn Magnuson:during tax season, you may hear from.
Katelyn Magnuson:On weird days on weird times that does not mean that the expectation is in set, that
Katelyn Magnuson:I work every Saturday because I replied to you one Saturday during tax season.
Katelyn Magnuson:And that means sometimes pushing back if a client reaches out to me or reach
Katelyn Magnuson:out to me on a weekend, and maybe they reached back out to me the next day, let's
Katelyn Magnuson:say they reached out to me on a Friday night and they reached back out Saturday
Katelyn Magnuson:or Sunday to ask why I hadn't replied.
Katelyn Magnuson:It's saying on Monday or Tuesday when I'm working again.
Katelyn Magnuson:Hey, so-and-so thank you so much for messaging me as a reminder, here are my
Katelyn Magnuson:working hours and my standard turn time.
Katelyn Magnuson:And it's also, if someone continues to push those boundaries after being
Katelyn Magnuson:educated on them, it means that they're no longer an aligned client and it means
Katelyn Magnuson:it's time to let them go because what they're looking for, isn't matching
Katelyn Magnuson:up with what my boundaries are and my work is, and I didn't leave corporate.
Katelyn Magnuson:To have someone else dictate my work hours.
Katelyn Magnuson:And if you've left corporate, or if you're looking to leave corporate,
Katelyn Magnuson:I'm assuming that that's probably part of the reason as well.
Katelyn Magnuson:And that's not to say that my hours and my workflow has not changed over the years.
Katelyn Magnuson:I actually noticed I'm going to do a separate episode on this, but I
Katelyn Magnuson:have a seasonality to my schedule, to my business, to my life, both
Katelyn Magnuson:personally, professionally and.
Katelyn Magnuson:Figuring that out, acknowledging it and honoring it has made
Katelyn Magnuson:a really big difference.
Katelyn Magnuson:And so there are some constants throughout the year for client communication
Katelyn Magnuson:for team communication, but there are also some things that are influx
Katelyn Magnuson:throughout the year and that change.
Katelyn Magnuson:And so I am all about communicating those changes to clients, to the team,
Katelyn Magnuson:to my friends, even when those occur and being okay with those happening.
Katelyn Magnuson:And I think for a lot of us, at least for me, that's something
Katelyn Magnuson:that we can really struggle with.
Katelyn Magnuson:Right?
Katelyn Magnuson:You go and you set a boundary and you get into a routine, and then you
Katelyn Magnuson:realize in six months, maybe that doesn't work for you that way anymore.
Katelyn Magnuson:And then again, if you're anything like me, you might get into your
Katelyn Magnuson:head, you might spiral a little bit like, oh God, why did I set this?
Katelyn Magnuson:It was unsustainable.
Katelyn Magnuson:Like, what are people gonna think if I, you know, change
Katelyn Magnuson:this boundary that I've seen.
Katelyn Magnuson:And honestly, no one gives a fuck.
Katelyn Magnuson:You're the one gentleman that cares so much more.
Katelyn Magnuson:So it's okay to have those changes.
Katelyn Magnuson:As long as you are clearly communicating changes and expectations.
Katelyn Magnuson:And again, we're going to talk about this in the next episode, when I
Katelyn Magnuson:talk about seasonality and working with that and how my work changes
Katelyn Magnuson:throughout the year and how our team changes throughout the year and how.
Katelyn Magnuson:Work within that, but setting boundaries and acknowledging that how you work
Katelyn Magnuson:within those or what those look like can change from quarter to quarter or
Katelyn Magnuson:year to year, or as you build a team.
Katelyn Magnuson:Like for me, as I've been building a team this last couple of years,
Katelyn Magnuson:my boundaries are getting from.
Katelyn Magnuson:And more stringent as I'm stepping back out of the day-to-day, you know, there
Katelyn Magnuson:are clients that maybe they were used to me being their primary point of contact.
Katelyn Magnuson:I'm no longer their primary point of contact.
Katelyn Magnuson:You know, the services that we offer have changed.
Katelyn Magnuson:We've updated them on that, but sometimes old habits are hard to break.
Katelyn Magnuson:And so it's been a matter of updating them, you know?
Katelyn Magnuson:Hey, so-and-so, here's a quick reminder.
Katelyn Magnuson:Make sure you drop this in the group.
Katelyn Magnuson:And nudging them, you know, into that direction, because change can
Katelyn Magnuson:be hard for people, especially when you know, habits have been formed.
Katelyn Magnuson:I'm working with some people that I've been working with
Katelyn Magnuson:for four or five years now.
Katelyn Magnuson:And thank you.
Katelyn Magnuson:All of you that are listening, it's so appreciated and seeing everyone's
Katelyn Magnuson:businesses grow and thrive and evolve has been one of my greatest pleasures.
Katelyn Magnuson:I think actually in this business, seeing, seeing how things have
Katelyn Magnuson:evolved is really exciting to me, but.
Katelyn Magnuson:There's also been changes to how I operate within my business, how I show up how
Katelyn Magnuson:the team shows up, how our clients are served, what their options look like,
Katelyn Magnuson:what our packages are that we offer.
Katelyn Magnuson:So acknowledging that as we have those changes, and again, clearly
Katelyn Magnuson:communicating what those changes are, how they impact the client,
Katelyn Magnuson:what they can expect from that.
Katelyn Magnuson:And any changes that they need to be aware of goes such a long ways in helping.
Katelyn Magnuson:Clients understand our boundaries, because then we have those boundaries
Katelyn Magnuson:that we then enforce what those changes have been now boundaries within my team
Katelyn Magnuson:and how I interface with them can be clearly communicated as you know, Hey,
Katelyn Magnuson:I'm going to be out of office these days.
Katelyn Magnuson:You will not be able to reach me.
Katelyn Magnuson:I trust all of you.
Katelyn Magnuson:I hire people that are autonomous, intelligent, compassionate.
Katelyn Magnuson:You've got this handle.
Katelyn Magnuson:It I'll be back if there's anything that is truly urgent, which normally
Katelyn Magnuson:there isn't, cause I'm not at this point taking vacation or taking time out when,
Katelyn Magnuson:you know, there's a big tax deadline or something coming up, but we're getting to
Katelyn Magnuson:the point where I will be able to do that.
Katelyn Magnuson:And there's someone else in charge, someone else that can take over
Katelyn Magnuson:those questions and then taking my apps off my phone, taking my email
Katelyn Magnuson:off my phone, clearly communicating.
Katelyn Magnuson:This is a big one for me.
Katelyn Magnuson:I don't want to be texted by my team unless it is something urgent
Katelyn Magnuson:and time sensitive and it had better be urgent or time sensitive.
Katelyn Magnuson:Otherwise we have other methods of communication.
Katelyn Magnuson:Texting for me is for friends and family work stays in apps, boxers, email, slack.
Katelyn Magnuson:And that's really important for me in order for me to be able to log off at
Katelyn Magnuson:the end of the day, for me to be able to step away for me to be able to have
Katelyn Magnuson:a brain break, because for anyone else, that's a business owner it's nonstop.
Katelyn Magnuson:It can be overwhelming.
Katelyn Magnuson:It can be exhausting.
Katelyn Magnuson:It can cause burnout and being able to step away and have firm boundaries
Katelyn Magnuson:that you are not going to be available.
Katelyn Magnuson:You are not going to answer and telling your clients the same thing.
Katelyn Magnuson:You're not going to answer.
Katelyn Magnuson:Here's what you need to do.
Katelyn Magnuson:If something's time sensitive, otherwise you'll be replied to in this timeframe
Katelyn Magnuson:goes such a long ways to help them.
Katelyn Magnuson:Your mental health, your creativity, and allowing you to enjoy this
Katelyn Magnuson:business that you've built or building.
Katelyn Magnuson:Because again, I didn't get into business to never take a vacation and
Katelyn Magnuson:boundaries that's changed for me over the years is I used to travel and work.
Katelyn Magnuson:I have spent months out of the country working a day job running my business.
Katelyn Magnuson:You know, I'd work a six to eight hour day in your.
Katelyn Magnuson:In the afternoon and evening, like let's say I'd work from 4:00 PM to about 11
Katelyn Magnuson:give or take and go out and get dinner.
Katelyn Magnuson:And I do all my sightseeing in the morning and that was fine.
Katelyn Magnuson:That's not the season of life that I'm in anymore.
Katelyn Magnuson:There are times where I'll take vacation and I'll have a couple of days where
Katelyn Magnuson:like, Hey, I'm going to be plugged in.
Katelyn Magnuson:I am happy to respond to X, Y, Z while I'm out.
Katelyn Magnuson:Otherwise I'm out.
Katelyn Magnuson:That is something that has changed for me in the season of life that I'm in,
Katelyn Magnuson:because I crave to be able to discuss.
Katelyn Magnuson:And that's also when I find myself most creatively inspired and I come
Katelyn Magnuson:back rejuvenated, excited, ready to lead, ready to create, ready
Katelyn Magnuson:to do all of these amazing things.
Katelyn Magnuson:And I don't get that if I'm constantly working and I'm constantly in my business
Katelyn Magnuson:and I'm constantly getting notifications.
Katelyn Magnuson:Another boundary that I set is I only take phone calls on certain days.
Katelyn Magnuson:Phone calls are really, really draining for.
Katelyn Magnuson:So I take them on Tuesdays, actually do them.
Katelyn Magnuson:I've even taken it further.
Katelyn Magnuson:I now take calls every other Tuesday during a five-hour window.
Katelyn Magnuson:That's it.
Katelyn Magnuson:I have my Calendly set up that way.
Katelyn Magnuson:And if I'm taking existing client calls or paid client calls, that's it.
Katelyn Magnuson:If someone comes in and for some reason, you know, that doesn't work,
Katelyn Magnuson:of course I will make an accommodation, but that is very, very rare.
Katelyn Magnuson:And I only have a set number of calls because it takes
Katelyn Magnuson:me out of my creative zone.
Katelyn Magnuson:I find it much more difficult to get back into the swing of things.
Katelyn Magnuson:And so, you know, many people will time block.
Katelyn Magnuson:I block my days, Mondays and Fridays.
Katelyn Magnuson:And again, we'll talk about this a lot in the next episodes.
Katelyn Magnuson:I'm going to barely touch on this, but Mondays and Fridays are normally off days.
Katelyn Magnuson:I use those for recording podcasts.
Katelyn Magnuson:I use those for onboarding new team members that need to interface with me.
Katelyn Magnuson:I use those to go lay outside in the sunshine or go to
Katelyn Magnuson:the garden or run errands.
Katelyn Magnuson:Every other Tuesday is a call day or Workday.
Katelyn Magnuson:Wednesdays are normally a Workday and my personal coaching days
Katelyn Magnuson:where I get coaching and I do nourishing things within my business.
Katelyn Magnuson:And then most Thursdays are a Workday or an air.
Katelyn Magnuson:And that's what the schedule looks like during the week.
Katelyn Magnuson:And then sometimes I'll work a Saturday or a Sunday.
Katelyn Magnuson:Let's say maybe I'm going to be gone or maybe the weather's really crappy.
Katelyn Magnuson:And there's going to be a great day on Wednesday that week I'll switch
Katelyn Magnuson:also to my days out like that.
Katelyn Magnuson:That's okay.
Katelyn Magnuson:But also schedule my emails to go out at a different time.
Katelyn Magnuson:I'll still schedule my emails throughout during the week or my
Katelyn Magnuson:communications to go out during the week.
Katelyn Magnuson:And.
Katelyn Magnuson:Reiterating those boundaries with my clients and with my team
Katelyn Magnuson:allows me a to ask for support if I need it and B to encourage
Katelyn Magnuson:them to set their own boundaries.
Katelyn Magnuson:Because again, there's a seasonality to the work that we do, right.
Katelyn Magnuson:There's a busy season, December, January through April, really busy the rest
Katelyn Magnuson:of the year with a few kind of speed.
Katelyn Magnuson:Is more even keel.
Katelyn Magnuson:And I think it's really important that our team be taking weekends off.
Katelyn Magnuson:They be taking, you know, the days off that they have committed to taking off
Katelyn Magnuson:because it's really easy in the day and age where we all work from home
Katelyn Magnuson:on our team and we all work remotely.
Katelyn Magnuson:You get an I've caught myself doing this.
Katelyn Magnuson:You might get bored or you don't really have anything to go do.
Katelyn Magnuson:And you find yourself categorizing accounting transactions and zero or
Katelyn Magnuson:replying to Voxer or getting into emails.
Katelyn Magnuson:And that's not how I want my team to be living.
Katelyn Magnuson:That's not the business that I want to be building.
Katelyn Magnuson:That's not the life that I want to be living.
Katelyn Magnuson:I love what I do.
Katelyn Magnuson:I love what my business does.
Katelyn Magnuson:I love the services and the knowledge that we provide for our client.
Katelyn Magnuson:That does not mean that we don't all have things that drive us outside of work.
Katelyn Magnuson:And so by having those boundaries, it allows us to more fully make time
Katelyn Magnuson:for the things outside of work that nourish us, that light us up and
Katelyn Magnuson:that make us excited to be here.
Katelyn Magnuson:And that make us joyful individuals and setting those boundaries, tweaking those
Katelyn Magnuson:boundaries and enforcing those boundaries.
Katelyn Magnuson:R one of the most important things that you can do for yourself and
Katelyn Magnuson:then assessing them, are these boundaries still serving me?
Katelyn Magnuson:Are these feeling good?
Katelyn Magnuson:Are these feeling aligned?
Katelyn Magnuson:Does something need to change?
Katelyn Magnuson:Does this personal boundary that I've set?
Katelyn Magnuson:maybe In the evenings, I want to spend time, you know, disconnected with family
Katelyn Magnuson:or at night, this is actually one of my.
Katelyn Magnuson:My phone, doesn't go into the bedroom with me.
Katelyn Magnuson:My phone gets plugged in in the kitchen and I put, do not disturb on and I get
Katelyn Magnuson:to it the next morning when I get to it the next morning, that's something that
Katelyn Magnuson:I really enjoy for being able to unplug, being able to step away, being able to
Katelyn Magnuson:take care of myself and my well-being.
Katelyn Magnuson:And I have noticed that I am a significantly happier, healthier.
Katelyn Magnuson:Individual and I can't encourage all of you enough to set boundaries and setting
Katelyn Magnuson:boundaries and corporate can be, I think really challenging setting boundaries may
Katelyn Magnuson:mean changing jobs, which can be scary.
Katelyn Magnuson:Setting boundaries may look like not answering emails on the weekend.
Katelyn Magnuson:It may look like setting a precedent when you're off on vacation.
Katelyn Magnuson:You are not accessible.
Katelyn Magnuson:You are off on vacation.
Katelyn Magnuson:And if the company can't cover you all while you're
Katelyn Magnuson:gone, that's not your problem.
Katelyn Magnuson:That is their problem.
Katelyn Magnuson:Again, that may mean you need to leave, or you need to look for somewhere else.
Katelyn Magnuson:But if a company is not willing or able to.
Katelyn Magnuson:Honor your boundaries.
Katelyn Magnuson:Then it's not a company that you should be working at long-term anyways, if they
Katelyn Magnuson:don't respect that you need to be rested, that you need to be able to sleep, that
Katelyn Magnuson:you need to be able to have fun, that you need to be able to have a life outside of
Katelyn Magnuson:work that you need to go to leave for the day, whether that's leaving your desk.
Katelyn Magnuson:Cause you work from home, whether that's leaving your office and you
Katelyn Magnuson:need to be able to leave and be done, you need to be able to set
Katelyn Magnuson:boundaries around your working with.
Katelyn Magnuson:You need to be able to take a vacation where you're not expected to work
Katelyn Magnuson:because it's called paid time off, not paid time on call for any questions
Katelyn Magnuson:that may arise in emails that come through unplug take your vacation time.
Katelyn Magnuson:Even if it's a staycation, especially if finances are tough, taking time,
Katelyn Magnuson:not telling anyone where you're going.
Katelyn Magnuson:Just, Hey, I'm not going to be accessible.
Katelyn Magnuson:Put your out of office message on your email.
Katelyn Magnuson:Put your phone on, do not disturb or shut your phone off.
Katelyn Magnuson:If you can.
Katelyn Magnuson:And step away if you have paid time to take, and if you don't or if
Katelyn Magnuson:they're not honoring it or you come back and it's a shit show because
Katelyn Magnuson:they've been reaching out to you and no one else has filled your position.
Katelyn Magnuson:And there's all these things for you to do have those difficult conversations
Katelyn Magnuson:with your employer, with your manager and.
Katelyn Magnuson:Look to leave, start applying elsewhere, whether that's you going for a job,
Katelyn Magnuson:whether that's you starting, you know, your own business, becoming
Katelyn Magnuson:more cognizant of when your boundaries are being disrespected, disregarded
Katelyn Magnuson:or ignored will allow you to be more aware of when you need to be enforcing
Katelyn Magnuson:them of the things that matter to you and will allow you to live a life.