Navigating Relationship and Money
In this episode of the Wealth Witches Podcast, host Katelyn Magnuson offers an intimate look into her relationship with her husband, exploring how they’ve cultivated a balanced and supportive partnership. She reflects on lessons from her early marriage, where unequal dynamics led to emotional burnout, and explains how she consciously avoided creating a similar “parenting relationship” with her current partner. Through candid storytelling, Katelyn reveals how mutual respect, autonomy, and clear communication have been essential to their success.
Katelyn also opens up about the challenges of managing household duties, finances, and mental load while running a business. She shares practical strategies for dividing responsibilities, breaking away from societal norms, and embracing each other’s strengths. Additionally, Katelyn emphasizes the importance of solo travel, personal boundaries, and regular self-care practices to stay energized and present in both her personal and professional life.
If you’ve ever struggled with balancing love, money, and domestic responsibilities, this episode provides relatable insights and actionable inspiration to create a fulfilling and equitable partnership.
Key Takeaways
- Open communication is key to balancing relationships and responsibilities.
- Mutual respect and autonomy create a healthier partnership dynamic.
- Breaking away from traditional gender roles fosters equality and personal growth.
- Self-care and solo travel are essential for maintaining emotional well-being.
- Sharing mental and domestic labor strengthens both partners and prevents burnout.
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Music credit: Neon Fairies by Wolves
Transcript
Hello, and welcome magical creatures to the Wealth Witches podcast.
Speaker:This is a place where we brew financial empowerment and mix in a little sprinkle
Speaker:of magic. I'm Caitlin Magnuson, your guide on this enchanted
Speaker:journey to financial enlightenment. Here, we honor all identities and
Speaker:invoke our inner witches to create holistic wealth and prosperity. So
Speaker:grab your crystals, open your minds, and let's get ready to conjure some
Speaker:financial clarity clarity.
Speaker:I'm really excited for this topic today, and
Speaker:I hope someday to be able to have this particular guest
Speaker:on. But in the meantime, I am going to be sharing a
Speaker:little bit, behind the scenes of my partnership,
Speaker:my relationship with my husband. So a lot of
Speaker:you know that he's an employee at the accounting firm that I
Speaker:run. We have been married since
Speaker:2016, together since 2012, and
Speaker:he's not comfortable at this point in time podcasting, but he is comfortable,
Speaker:having me chat about him and, to all
Speaker:of you who may be listening. And I wanted to it feels a little
Speaker:bit conceded at times or self
Speaker:absorbed to be chatting this. And this isn't for me to say, you
Speaker:know, hey. Our relationship is this amazing purse like, perfect
Speaker:pinnacle of what relationships can look like.
Speaker:But for a lot of the people that
Speaker:I work with or people that I see, especially in the online
Speaker:space, I do think that
Speaker:sharing candidly about your relationship and how and
Speaker:sort of lifting the the curtain or the veil about how things
Speaker:work can be really helpful. I know that I have
Speaker:followed other people, other creators, and being able to see how
Speaker:all of that happened was really beneficial for me. So this is
Speaker:again, everything is financially related at the end of the day,
Speaker:but this is a really personal deep dive. And this may end up being a
Speaker:few different episodes or I may come back to certain areas because there's there's a
Speaker:lot. It's been almost 14 years now at the time
Speaker:of this recording, and I wanna process this by
Speaker:saying that this is my second marriage. I was married and
Speaker:divorced at a really early age. I was divorced, I think, by the time I
Speaker:was 21. I met David when I was 22,
Speaker:and not looking at all for a serious relationship.
Speaker:And it's been such an interesting evolution to see I'm now
Speaker:33. He's 38. And to see where
Speaker:we've come and how different things are from when we got together and some of
Speaker:the things that I've noted about all of that.
Speaker:So number 1, when we first started
Speaker:dating, I was making less than him. I was working in a soul
Speaker:sucking job, which I may or may not go into later. Actually,
Speaker:the the job was, a cult, and I
Speaker:ended up leaving. My ex husband actually still, I think, worked
Speaker:for them, which, again, wild, wild story for another
Speaker:day. But I met my husband, and he
Speaker:had he was working, making, I don't know, I think 40 ish
Speaker:thousand. I was making 27,000 at the time. And
Speaker:within about 6 months of dating, I had left that employer,
Speaker:moved to a much more lucrative position, started making more than him. And
Speaker:so outside of those first 6 months of our relationship, I have
Speaker:made more than my spouse, which
Speaker:he is someone that comes from a much more traditional
Speaker:background. And he's never had a problem with
Speaker:it, but it was a lot of my own limiting beliefs around things. And so
Speaker:just to give you some background, my parents have
Speaker:never had super gendered roles in raising
Speaker:us as children. My mom's a a nurse. My dad was an
Speaker:electrician, and that they really worked their schedules so that they could
Speaker:be around for us. Both of them are capable of cooking. Both of them are
Speaker:capable capable of cleaning. Both of them were capable of taking care of both my
Speaker:sister and I growing up. There are some other things in their
Speaker:relationship that I didn't want modeled for my own relationship moving forward
Speaker:that I'm but, again, may or may not talk about in this episode or in
Speaker:the future. And I think seeing
Speaker:that and seeing a household that was modeled
Speaker:around who was available, who was able, and regardless,
Speaker:both of my parents were capable of doing what needed needed to be done, including
Speaker:paying the bills. And my nana, my dad's mom, years years
Speaker:ago, had made some passing comment to me that she
Speaker:wasn't ever sure either if her 2 boys were going to be married. So they
Speaker:knew how to mend their socks. They knew how to cook for themselves. They knew
Speaker:how to iron. They knew how to clean. They knew the basics that,
Speaker:in my opinion, I think regardless of gender, so many people should know how to
Speaker:do. Whether you do get married or not, whether you consciously partner,
Speaker:whether you decide to be consciously single or
Speaker:unconsciously single. Again, knowing how
Speaker:to be self sufficient to an extent, whether you choose
Speaker:to utilize that or not, it'd be really beneficial. And so growing up, it was
Speaker:just my sister and myself. And, you know, we know how to mow the
Speaker:lawn. We helped with firewood. Like, it didn't matter
Speaker:what the chore was. We were involved
Speaker:in it. And I think that that gave me a a much more
Speaker:diverse skill set. And
Speaker:my after my divorce with my ex husband and realizing
Speaker:that I had essentially married someone that
Speaker:who wasn't a bad human, but it was
Speaker:a parenting relationship. I ended up becoming someone's
Speaker:parent, becoming someone's mother, which I feel like I see happening a
Speaker:lot, especially in heterosexual relationships and marriages.
Speaker:And this isn't, you know, to bash on men. This isn't to like, none of
Speaker:this is meant to do that. It's just not what I wanted.
Speaker:I couldn't respect, and I didn't want for the rest of
Speaker:my life, someone that I had to tell when they could spend money,
Speaker:someone that I had to ask to clean or to do a chore or to
Speaker:do something or to contribute to the house. And the chore load and
Speaker:the mental load, and I that's the whole point, is I
Speaker:was shouldering this mental load. He
Speaker:was working 40 or 45 hours a week. I was going to school.
Speaker:I finished college during the time that we were together. I was working 3 jobs,
Speaker:60 to 70 hours a week. And, yes, we bought a house, and
Speaker:we did all these things that, you know, we were supposed to do, including getting
Speaker:married. And then I realized that I had continued to change
Speaker:and evolve, and what had worked for me when I was 18 or 19 was
Speaker:not working for me at 21 and was not working for me when I look
Speaker:towards my future. And so during that time, we had a
Speaker:conversation, and I had told him that, you know, I don't think that this
Speaker:is something that's compatible in the long run. He ended up agreeing with me. It
Speaker:was one of the most amicable divorces that I could have seen.
Speaker:But so much of what I took away from that was
Speaker:it wasn't a marriage that showed me what I wanted. It was a marriage or
Speaker:a relationship that showed me exactly what I didn't want. And
Speaker:because of that, showed me what I valued, what I was looking for.
Speaker:And the cue meeting David at some point in time
Speaker:after that and
Speaker:not really allowing myself to
Speaker:step into who I am now. We started dating when
Speaker:I was 22. He was 26. And
Speaker:it's been so interesting for me because
Speaker:he has never said, no. You can't do this. No. You can't do that, or
Speaker:tried to manage what was acceptable for me as
Speaker:my role. There was so much that I think I'd been conditioned
Speaker:to or, like, whether societally or other things. And so
Speaker:for me, going and traveling by myself or going
Speaker:and having a solo day, which those of you that know me
Speaker:know I'm really introverted. And so for me, being able to take time to
Speaker:recharge and have a day where I just I
Speaker:don't have to socialize. I can go sit at a coffee shop with my headphones
Speaker:in, and I can do some work. I can go to the plant shop. I
Speaker:can go get a massage or a facial or go do something that's just
Speaker:fun for me. I didn't let myself do a lot of
Speaker:those things because I didn't know
Speaker:I didn't know how he would react, and I didn't feel that I
Speaker:could carve out time for myself. It felt selfish. It
Speaker:felt self serving. And I'd say around 25 or
Speaker:26, I started realizing that
Speaker:it was not only in my best interest, but in everyone else's best interest around
Speaker:me for me to prioritize myself. And I think that there was I'm gonna
Speaker:butcher the quote, but there's something along the lines of, like,
Speaker:you know, everyone will always say, like, you can't pour from an empty cup. Well,
Speaker:that to me means that you're you
Speaker:need to take care of yourself so that you can take care of those around
Speaker:you or so that you can be your best self for those around you
Speaker:rather than you deserve to take care
Speaker:of yourself and to be a priority for yourself. Not because of your
Speaker:value, your worth, or anything else that you can provide to other people, but
Speaker:simply because you're human being and you're deserving of that.
Speaker:And there was there was another one, I think, that was something along the lines
Speaker:of, like, you're the only person that will be with you for your
Speaker:entire lifetime, and you're the best
Speaker:person to prioritize your well-being, again,
Speaker:along those lines. And in thinking about that,
Speaker:it it took a while to really sink in and realize that
Speaker:never once did my partner at the time, soon to be spouse kind of around
Speaker:that time, give me shit or tell me I couldn't
Speaker:do something or why why are you actually like, I've always
Speaker:had this level of independence and respect that I have
Speaker:always tried to reciprocate back. And it's been really
Speaker:phenomenal, especially the last few years. But so much of it was
Speaker:me being comfortable taking the next move. You know, he didn't necessarily
Speaker:realize what I needed. He's not in my head all day. And as much as
Speaker:I want him to be omniscient and telepathic and know
Speaker:exactly what's going on, it's on me to figure that out. It's on me to
Speaker:be able to communicate that just like it's on him to do the same thing
Speaker:for his needs and wants. And, you know, you can only anticipate so
Speaker:much. And so a lot of what has been going on since probably
Speaker:about 2017, 2018 is us communicating
Speaker:and figuring out what works, what makes us happiest.
Speaker:And for me, that has looked like traveling by
Speaker:myself about once, maybe twice a year. Normally, traveling internationally once.
Speaker:Having the kind of relationship where I
Speaker:feel absolutely fully supported in what I do with work.
Speaker:I am able to focus on
Speaker:the business, and he holds down the
Speaker:house. He makes sure everything's in working order. It's so
Speaker:far be be beyond, like, a stay at home spouse. You know,
Speaker:he's taking care of the dogs. He's taking care of the cats. He's, you
Speaker:know, handling social plans. He's taking on so much of the
Speaker:domestic labor that has traditionally been, you know, quote, woman's
Speaker:work for so many years. And it hasn't always
Speaker:been that way, but especially as I have gotten busier
Speaker:and he had stepped away from a full time job that was in person where
Speaker:he couldn't do a lot of these things. That's an area where we've had discussions,
Speaker:and he's taken that on. He's taken the grocery shopping on, a lot of the
Speaker:meal planning on. So the just so much of the mental and
Speaker:domestic labor that allows me
Speaker:to do what I do best.
Speaker:And every now and then, you know, we'll have the conversation of, like,
Speaker:how is this working? Like, are there you know, are you feeling like this is
Speaker:equal and or equitable, I should say. And we're both at
Speaker:the point where we both feel the other does more
Speaker:than we do. And that was something I was chatting with my performance coach, I
Speaker:don't know, a month or 2 ago. And when we were talking about it, there
Speaker:are times that I feel really lazy. You know, he'll be splitting wood
Speaker:or putting wood on the deck or, you know, doing dishes. And I'm sitting
Speaker:on the couch watching a show or TikTok ing. And he
Speaker:doesn't feel that I'm lazy at all because there are also times where he's hanging
Speaker:out on the couch watching South Park or he's sleeping in the morning because he
Speaker:doesn't sleep very well at night. And I'm doing computer
Speaker:work, or I'm doing a house tour, or I'm letting the dogs out potty. And
Speaker:there there's no resentment or feeling of laziness there because we each
Speaker:feel that the other is, a, doing a bunch of tasks that we don't we
Speaker:wouldn't want to do. You know, he doesn't wanna be stuck to a computer all
Speaker:day. I'm capable of moving all the wood, but I really don't wanna be.
Speaker:I have no desire to go fix the roof and, you know, do a lot
Speaker:of the maintenance on the property or the house or all of that. And so
Speaker:by having those conversations and being able to flex
Speaker:overall work, chores, mental load,
Speaker:it has made it one of the most
Speaker:nourishing relationships, if not the most nourishing relationship in my
Speaker:life to be able to have. And, yes, I could look at, you know, I'm
Speaker:a better person when I'm supported that way. He's a better person. We've
Speaker:grown. We've changed. We've evolved. All of that is absolutely true,
Speaker:but I've gotten to the point now where I would not
Speaker:tolerate. And I'm gonna give you a great example. I would not tolerate anything
Speaker:less. I feel like I get treated like a princess. My goal is to make
Speaker:sure that he feels the same way, whether it's a princess or, you know, prince
Speaker:or whatever, someone that is valued in my life, because that's that's the
Speaker:truth. We are both a valued
Speaker:participant in this relationship. And one of the
Speaker:examples that I gave, and I was feeling really I was
Speaker:I was feeling the feels about it this week. So right now, he's in Tahoe,
Speaker:on a ski trip. I just came back from Copenhagen. I got a
Speaker:full sleeve tattoo. It was a 4 day sitting. I was gone for almost 3
Speaker:weeks. I had a girl's trip. I had a friend from Austria come
Speaker:visit me. Like, it was it was lovely. And David stayed home.
Speaker:He watched the dogs. He cleaned the house. He moved snow. He
Speaker:did other fun things as well, but he was here and he was being the
Speaker:primary parent, we'll say, or the primary animal parent,
Speaker:because we don't have human children. And I was gone for
Speaker:3 weeks. He fully supports me being gone. There is no animosity.
Speaker:If anything, things are a little bit easier for him because I go through a
Speaker:lot of dishes, and I eat a lot of food. And there
Speaker:there's just a level of input that's required when I'm around. And I have, you
Speaker:know, food allergies and all sorts of things that he's able to, like, hungry man
Speaker:TV dinner it or whatever. But before we left,
Speaker:we made a joint grocery list. It's a shared notes
Speaker:app. He puts whatever he wants on it. I put whatever I want on it.
Speaker:And then, like, as a household, if we're out of something, one of us will
Speaker:add it to that list. It's a collaborative effort, and he does the
Speaker:majority of the grocery shopping. So, you know, we go run errands the morning that
Speaker:I leave. He drops me off. And in the meantime, I
Speaker:came home Monday night this week. It's I'm recording this on Sunday. I came home
Speaker:Monday night, and he left Friday morning for
Speaker:Tahoe. Not only did he go do all of
Speaker:the grocery shopping before he picked me up, and he asked if there was anything
Speaker:specific that I needed. And there are a few things that I put in there.
Speaker:Like, I put the word snacks. And he was like, anything
Speaker:more specific? I was like, just something. If you find something that you
Speaker:think I'd like. And in the age of people
Speaker:that get sent you know,
Speaker:husbands that get sent to the store to go get the ingredients for pumpkin bars
Speaker:and don't come back with pumpkin because they don't
Speaker:know if they have pumpkin at home or just, you know,
Speaker:weaponized incompetence has been like the buzzword of the last several years. But in
Speaker:seeing so many prime examples of this happening, it
Speaker:is refreshing and supportive to be able to have a relationship
Speaker:where that's not the case, where we can have an open dialogue about it, where
Speaker:one of us can share if we feel like the other is being unfair in
Speaker:their expectations or unclear in their communications. And so
Speaker:in the meantime, I come back. He knows that I'm gonna be jet lagged.
Speaker:I have a bunch of things to get through Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday before he leaves,
Speaker:work wise because I've been mostly out of the office for the time that I
Speaker:was gone. And he picks up takeout.
Speaker:He communicates that he's gonna be getting it so that dinner is covered, asks if
Speaker:there's anything else that I need. He doesn't hear back from me. He asked if
Speaker:I want a burger. I'm landing or getting my badge
Speaker:or doing something. I don't see the message. And so by the time I see
Speaker:it and I text him, it's too late. He's already gone. And so
Speaker:I got out to the car, and he says, hey. I got you a burger.
Speaker:I think I got the order right because it's a really specific order. And he
Speaker:did. Order was correct. And he just assumed he's like, you'll
Speaker:want food. Worst case scenario, it's leftovers. You can eat it tomorrow.
Speaker:But that kind
Speaker:of give a shit, hair, compassion to just,
Speaker:like, there there's no anger that why didn't you answer? Well, I was getting my
Speaker:bags. I was, you know, getting there's there's no explanation needed. It's just, hey. She
Speaker:wasn't available to answer. Like, I think she's gonna wanna let's get it. We'll air
Speaker:on the side of getting it rather than not. So then we get home, and
Speaker:in the meantime, he's getting packed up for his trip. He's, you know,
Speaker:making sure he has all of his gear. He loads up
Speaker:the house with firewood because it is February. We live in the mountains. It is
Speaker:cold here. He preps a bunch of meals
Speaker:for me for while he's gone because he knows that I have a tendency, especially
Speaker:when I'm busy, to not do the best job of taking care of myself,
Speaker:especially when it comes to food. He makes sure that we have dog
Speaker:food. We have cat food. We have all of their meds for the animals that
Speaker:need meds. He checks that everything's in working
Speaker:order. He does a once over on the house. He fills up all the
Speaker:chicken feeders, waterers, oyster shells, you know,
Speaker:everything that he can think of to front load before he leaves,
Speaker:he does. And then he communicates with me exactly where my food
Speaker:is, what I have. He reorganized the freezer so that he
Speaker:knows let me know that I have, you know, this whole shelf in there
Speaker:is me foods, Caitlin Foods, basically.
Speaker:And that amount
Speaker:of legwork, effort is just so appreciated. And, again, I didn't
Speaker:ask him for any of it, but
Speaker:it's just the bare minimum that shows up. And
Speaker:so for me, I'm constantly trying to look at, like that's that's one of his
Speaker:ways that he expresses love
Speaker:or care is by taking care of
Speaker:things like that, taking care of food, taking care of things around the house, making
Speaker:sure that I'm not out of firewood, making sure that the cistern is
Speaker:filled with water before he goes. Like, what are the things that he can be
Speaker:doing? Making sure that the sheets are clean before I come home.
Speaker:And all of those things are just so supportive and appreciated
Speaker:even if not they're not the same way that I show that I care. And
Speaker:so being able to see him for who he is
Speaker:as well as feeling seen for who I am has been such an
Speaker:interesting transition over the last 12 years.
Speaker:And I just want those of you out there to know
Speaker:that maybe are in a relationship that is
Speaker:subpar or that you're doing the majority of the legwork, or that you're
Speaker:doing the majority of the parenting, and
Speaker:it's not being seen, it's not being heard.
Speaker:There are people out there that
Speaker:will see you, will hear you, will contribute, will
Speaker:make you feel that you are both or we're all out
Speaker:of you both feeling, like, we feel where we almost feel lazy compared to what
Speaker:the other does. But it's because we're each communicating and working in the
Speaker:areas that come easiest for us or
Speaker:that we derive the most joy from doing.
Speaker:And that single handedly
Speaker:has allowed me to show up in business, to
Speaker:show up for my team, to show up for our clients in the way
Speaker:that I can. Because if I was in a
Speaker:relationship where I needed to be doing the cooking, the cleaning,
Speaker:all the domestic labor, like, everything that I that he's basically taken off
Speaker:of my plate or taken the majority off of my plate,
Speaker:I couldn't. I couldn't show up in the way that I am. I couldn't I
Speaker:wouldn't have the energy that I needed. I wouldn't have the social energy,
Speaker:and I couldn't be more
Speaker:appreciative for the
Speaker:relationship that we have built over the last 12 years. And I'm really
Speaker:excited to see what the next additional 12 plus
Speaker:years brings for what that evolution looks like. And I
Speaker:encourage you to have the open communication
Speaker:to make the changes to maybe if it's you're in a relationship, but
Speaker:that's not the case, to make an exit plan, to
Speaker:lay out your finances so that you can do that, to make sure that
Speaker:you're taking care of yourself and that you are prioritizing yourself, and
Speaker:it can start with baby steps. This started for
Speaker:me probably in 2015, and
Speaker:I started doing something as simple as, like, I had a massage once a month.
Speaker:That was a nonnegotiable. And then once a quarter or so,
Speaker:I'd go get facial or I'd go get acupuncture or I'd
Speaker:go do something that took care of my physical body. And
Speaker:then within a couple of years, it got to the point where about once a
Speaker:quarter, and I still do this now. It's not a set date. But about once
Speaker:a quarter, I have what we call an excellent lady day that I think we
Speaker:got from The League, the TV show The League,
Speaker:where it's just all of the things that I wanna do. I go by
Speaker:myself. I go to town. I go to the plant shop. I go to the
Speaker:coffee shop. I might go get myself a little treat somewhere. And
Speaker:that for me is it's nourishing. It's taking care of myself.
Speaker:I'm not meeting up with anyone. Same thing.
Speaker:Solo traveling, like going to Copenhagen or going to Austria
Speaker:or going to Spain or going to Mexico
Speaker:allows me to recharge, reinvigorate,
Speaker:and show back up most importantly for
Speaker:myself, secondarily for my my
Speaker:spouse, my clients, my family, my friends.
Speaker:But I am my most important
Speaker:asset, companion, friend, and
Speaker:I want those around me to be their most important person
Speaker:as well. That doesn't mean that you can't have compassion, that you can't care, that
Speaker:you can't occasionally put other people's needs ahead of yours. But
Speaker:I think it is really common for many people,
Speaker:but especially a lot of women, to prioritize
Speaker:those around them and their needs and
Speaker:to derive value, praise, worth
Speaker:from what they can provide for others rather than
Speaker:feeling fulfilled and feeling at their
Speaker:best for themselves. So I'm gonna leave you with
Speaker:those parting thoughts. And like I said, we might
Speaker:dive into some more of these topics at a later date and how things have
Speaker:actually worked, but, and maybe one day we'll get David on here.
Speaker:That's a wrap for this episode of the Wealth Witches podcast. I hope our
Speaker:magical money talks have left you feeling empowered and inspired. Remember, wealth isn't just
Speaker:about dollars in the bank. It's about abundance and financial freedom in all aspects of
Speaker:your life. I'm Caitlin Magnuson encouraging you to keep challenging the status quo
Speaker:and embrace your inner witch on this financial journey. Until next time,
Speaker:stay magical.
Speaker:Hey there, magical listener. Are you ready to take your financial to the next
Speaker:level? This is Caitlin Magnuson inviting you to join us at the wealth, which
Speaker:is monthly program where we dive even deeper into the cauldron of wealth
Speaker:from live training sessions about money, taxes, retirement, and business
Speaker:support to an inclusive community that's here to support your growth, we've got
Speaker:everything you need to embrace your inner wealth witch. Visit our website
Speaker:at wealthwitchesdot com to join us. Your wealthier
Speaker:self is waiting.
